ETHICAL NON-MONOGAMY - Tucson Counseling Associates

Ethical Non-Monogamy

What is ethical non-monogamy?

Polyamory is a term that basically means poly=many, several, much and amor=love, so in other words, “many loves.” Polyamory falls under the umbrella of ethical non–monogamy (ENM). There are several other types of relationship structures that fall under this umbrella such as swinging, open relationships, relationship anarchy, etc. These various styles are all different and they overlap as well. The community is not a monolith, no one practices ENM in exactly the same way. Feel free to use whatever terms resonate most with you. At TCA, our therapists all receive ongoing training on ethical non-monogamy.

Romantic and Relational Orientation

A romantic orientation describes an individual’s pattern of romantic attraction based on a person’s gender, regardless of sexual orientation. They often align, but not always.

Sexual identities and romantic orientations are not linked, and therefore a person could be asexual, aromantic, neither, or both asexual and aromantic.

Some romantic orientations can be Aromantic, Demiromantic, Biromantic, Panromantic, Heteroromantic, Homoromantic, Sapiormantic, Skolioromantic, Polyromantic.

One’s relational dynamic is the type of relationship structure they have.

Some examples of this are ethical non-monogamy, monogamish, solo polyamory, casual dating, fetish, friendship, couple don’t ask, don’t tell, monogamous, poly family non-monogamous non-hierarchical, poly family non-monogamous hierarchical and couple group sex. Just like gender, relational dynamics are as diverse as each individual.

Our Ethical Non-Monogamy/Kink Promise Statement

We won’t assume that the issue you’re seeking help with is caused by or is related to your kink or ENM orientation.
We won’t make assumptions about your treatment goals – particularly that these goals include changing your sexual desires.
We won’t try to “cure” you of BDSM or ENM desires.
We will be aware that any distress you have about your kink or ENM identity may be a normal part of internalized cultural bias against your sexual orientation rather than evidence of a disorder. We will help you to locate and get support from community resources.
We will be sensitive to whether and how your kink or ENM identity affects your work, social, and family relationships.
We will not assume abuse when you are in a BDSM relationship. We will not assume you are cheating or are tolerating cheating if you bring up other partners.
We will not assume that BDSM interests mean that you are not also interested in *vanilla* sexual behaviors.
If you have experienced abuse within a BDSM relationship, We can help you to process and understand that. We know that this can sometimes happen and that it can be very difficult to talk about.
We can help you to navigate the terms of your ENM relationships and negotiate agreements that best serve you and your partners, identifying and honoring your needs.
We will remain aware of our own issues and how they may enter the therapy. We will consult with colleagues who are knowledgeable about altsex behavior if you bring in issues that are outside of our knowledge base or boundaries of competence.